One of my memories of Christmas as a child is of my Dad’s
Hi-Fi record scratching out the voice of Beverly Shea, of the Billy Graham team,
singing an old Christmas hymn, the name of which I do not for the moment
recall:
I
wonder as I wander out under the sky,
Why
Jesus the savior would come forth to die.
I am by nature a wonderer, I wonder about what makes things
work, how to make things better, why people do what they do, why I do what I do,
the meaning of things. Sometimes I even
wonder why I wonder so much. I am more
than a little disconcerted to realize that often at the core of my wanting to
figure things out is an attempt to be in control. Understanding at least feels like a measure of control, of my
circumstances, of systems, (Organizations, structure, etc.) and at times, people.
I believe that the order of the universe is relational, by
that I mean relationship is at the core of how all things work. The best I can tell, and here I go wondering
again, this is so because the One who spoke all this into being is Himself a relationship
between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit (How can we explain that?) and
all that emanates from Him bears His mark.
God desires to have a relationship with us and for us to
have a relationship with Him and with one another.
True relationships do not happen if they happen out of “have to” or
“ought.” True relationships are driven by desire, a “want to.” By design relational beings are made to be drawn, not
pushed. Could God force us to obey? He
certainly has the power. Could He
manipulate us into a relationship? He is certainly able to do that as
well. But He did not come as a powerful
king or a wise sage; He came as a powerless baby unable even to speak. He came offering Himself and invites (No force, no pressure.) us to
be “with,” to follow, Him. He enables that invitation through personal sacrifice and open hands marked with the imprint of brutal nails. All this is beyond my understanding...
So what creates desire in the soul of a man? What makes me
want to follow? If my relationship with
my dear wife is any indication, it is clearly not perfect understanding of what
makes her tick. The truth is it is often
the mystery of what is making her tick that draws me to her. I am finding it is no different in my
relationship with the Father, I am not drawn to Him primarily by what I
understand, I find I am most drawn when something about Him just blows me away
because it is incomprehensible to me. The thing that most often makes me push Him away is
fear. Fear about what it will cost me to
follow, or a fear of losing control (Yes, that control thing again.), or just
plain fear of the unknown.
These two words, fear and wonder, have now become very
connected to me. How do these two words
connect? I have pondered of late that my
deepest desires, the kind of desire that leads to intimate relationship is not
kindled most by wonder that leads to
understanding, but by wonder (Awe)
that is beyond understanding. Here is
the beautiful thing, when I am blown away in awe (Fear) I suddenly realize that
my fear (Afraid) is gone and I am
drawn to the source of that awe and wonder. Two words, rich with double
meaning that hold the key to desire.
I am reminded of a statement by C.S. Lewis I remember
reading some time ago, that if God is God then why all the fuss about the truth
of a virgin birth. Certainly He could do
it if He desired, no problem, if you are God.
No, the real question is not, is it possible, but why would He do such a
thing?
So I am back humming the tune with the words playing in my
mind:
I
wonder as I wander out under the sky,
Why
Jesus the savior would come forth to die.
I am in wonder of it all and my innermost being is pulled
toward that little One in the manger.
May the wonder of the coming of the very One who breathed
you into being fill your advent season.
