The Wonder of Christmas

One of my memories of Christmas as a child is of my Dad’s Hi-Fi record scratching out the voice of Beverly Shea, of the Billy Graham team, singing an old Christmas hymn, the name of which I do not for the moment recall:

I wonder as I wander out under the sky,

Why Jesus the savior would come forth to die.

I am by nature a wonderer, I wonder about what makes things work, how to make things better, why people do what they do, why I do what I do, the meaning of things.  Sometimes I even wonder why I wonder so much.  I am more than a little disconcerted to realize that often at the core of my wanting to figure things out is an attempt to be in control.  Understanding at least feels like a measure of control, of my circumstances, of systems, (Organizations, structure, etc.) and at times, people.

I believe that the order of the universe is relational, by that I mean relationship is at the core of how all things work.  The best I can tell, and here I go wondering again, this is so because the One who spoke all this into being is Himself a relationship between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit (How can we explain that?) and all that emanates from Him bears His mark. 

God desires to have a relationship with us and for us to have a relationship with Him and with one another.  True relationships do not happen if they happen out of “have to” or “ought.” True relationships are driven by desire, a “want to.”  By design relational beings are made to be drawn, not pushed.  Could God force us to obey? He certainly has the power.  Could He manipulate us into a relationship? He is certainly able to do that as well.  But He did not come as a powerful king or a wise sage; He came as a powerless baby unable even to speak.  He came offering Himself and invites (No force, no pressure.) us to be “with,” to follow, Him.  He enables that invitation through personal sacrifice and open hands marked with the imprint of brutal nails.  All this is beyond my understanding...

So what creates desire in the soul of a man? What makes me want to follow?  If my relationship with my dear wife is any indication, it is clearly not perfect understanding of what makes her tick.  The truth is it is often the mystery of what is making her tick that draws me to her.  I am finding it is no different in my relationship with the Father, I am not drawn to Him primarily by what I understand, I find I am most drawn when something about Him just blows me away because it is incomprehensible to me. The thing that most often makes me push Him away is fear.  Fear about what it will cost me to follow, or a fear of losing control (Yes, that control thing again.), or just plain fear of the unknown. 

These two words, fear and wonder, have now become very connected to me.  How do these two words connect?  I have pondered of late that my deepest desires, the kind of desire that leads to intimate relationship is not kindled most by wonder that leads to understanding, but by wonder (Awe) that is beyond understanding.  Here is the beautiful thing, when I am blown away in awe (Fear) I suddenly realize that my fear (Afraid) is gone and I am drawn to the source of that awe and wonder. Two words, rich with double meaning that hold the key to desire.

I am reminded of a statement by C.S. Lewis I remember reading some time ago, that if God is God then why all the fuss about the truth of a virgin birth.  Certainly He could do it if He desired, no problem, if you are God.  No, the real question is not, is it possible, but why would He do such a thing?

So I am back humming the tune with the words playing in my mind:

I wonder as I wander out under the sky,

Why Jesus the savior would come forth to die.

I am in wonder of it all and my innermost being is pulled toward that little One in the manger.

May the wonder of the coming of the very One who breathed you into being fill your advent season.